Kévin

As much as I enjoy almost being killed on a frequent basis, I believe that it should stop.

I’m really getting tired of other peoples piss poor judgements having such a profound effect on my life expectancy; such as yesterday’s festival of retardedness.

But without fail I was presented with a plethora of carnage as some idiot woman flew in to the same roundabout without looking at a troubling 20/30mph in her VW Polo.

Now I’m not going to be upset about being written off by a car, it’s happened to me enough that I know the motorised vehicle will be the end of me. But seriously a polo?

BITCH S’IL VOUS PLAÎT!

Being entirely accustomed by this situation and having already accepted fate, instead of panicking and flapping around in some vein attempt to change the fact I’m either going to wake up in an ambulance or at least be heading towards the light. I showed this bitch how things were done.

I started to brake and while I was doing that I pulled a serious face with a look that she’d remember in her deepest nightmares as it smeared across her windscreen.

I don’t think I have ever seen an emergency stop performed to a textbook standard, but I ain’t going to lie. I wouldn’t want that haunting up my shit either, so she made a good decision.

So the moral of this story kids is:-

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I’ve un-officially set myself a cycle task to cycle to the furthest station on the Severn Beach line.

Seeing as the likes of Temple Meads and Sea Mills were a bit mundane; I first set my eyes on Shirehampton which I did prior to the man in the van incident, yesterday I did Avonmouth and today after pushing myself way beyond what I should have I did St Andrews Road (no pic due to conditions, but I have proof of a iMapMyRide route). I have casually attached photos.

Simple enough premise, yes, distance, not that bad. Now we move on.

Today I set myself another challenge, find and take the picture-esque trademark English Countryside™ route to Pill and perhaps beyond. This was a splendid idea, yesterday.

Today however, was not a splendid idea in fact I’d probably go as far as saying it was a bit of a shit idea. Just mix one part raining down like the end of time with an unpaved path and you get dirty. Even more dirty than yo skank ho mam.

I decided it was best to turn around at one stage as I could have sworn I saw a casualty episode starting off like what I was seeing then; even more hilariously as I was turning around I nearly cycled off the edge of the path to a comforting fall on to doom and perhaps long term hospitalisation. I clearly live one big ironic statement.

I cycled my way back so I could get on to the Portway, because I of course being the most judgemental of all humanity saw this harmless all fun based self challenge to be of course a complete race for my life and self worth.

So I switched over to Plan B which was Severn Beach or die! Seeing as I nearly died once already, this may not have been a difficult challenge to set (the being dead part).

That was a very very terribly bad idea. Not only because I was covered in mud, shoes like a swimming pool and clothes soaked through, but because I wasn’t going to give up for love nor money (I lie, you got 10€ mistah me do errrrey-fing you like). I breezed past Sea Mills, Shirehampton and through Avonmouth fairly quickly, evil MapMyRide bitch giving me time and unacceptable distances as we went along enjoying the tunes and being able to live the dream as a fish in water.

By the time I hit Avonmouth it was kind of clear that I should have turned back way before then. My right arm hurting like it needed to be chopped off, clothes so soaked you could see through them. But of course I didn’t stop as I couldn’t fail on three counts, first one being the failed Pill experience, second being the soon to be failed Severn Beach run and third, I was so going to do 10km better today than I did yesterday.

I continued on to nearly-almost-Severn Beach but when I got to the roundabout to continue on I had to stop and make an epic decision. Could I even remotely push myself up that hill and beyond or just turn around?

Good thing I saw sense and found myself a nice little place to turnaround on an estate and make my way back. Absolutely hurting from all over and wet as a fart I pushed myself home. Barely.

When I wobbled in I never seen so much mud in my life, my kitchen is looking like it should grow grass and my bike, she drrrrteey.

The only positive of this story, I only vaguely failed as I managed to cycle 40km bitches. I’m just sayin’.

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So some how I managed to pull it off a couple times this morning.

Sure it’s only 4km but its a start and it can be done, which is important as I can’t afford another month of bus fare.

The only problems I’m having now is pain and soreness from the inflexibility in my wrist and that I don’t have full flexibility in my elbow/arm movement.

That’s the easy part (ibuprofen can fix!), what I didn’t bank on is that my road confidence has literally been smashed out of me when I hit the road. Being near cars just completely scares the absolute shit out of me now, considering I did this on a Sunday, I sense an actual weekday might be a real issue to over come.

I’m quite annoyed (with everything else) with the guy who did this, the break is bad enough but the next few months is probably going to be the hardest part of this all.

On the arm front, I have to keep putting more weight on it, force movement until its sore and get the elbow back to what it was kind of like before. The Bone Crusher is very positive, I’m less apprehensive now that I’m only 22 degrees of movement away from full movement.

If I can’t get any further or if I only get a few more degrees and that’s it, I can live with that if I can’t get 100% movement back. But I’m aiming for 110% synergetic movement (to coin a bollocks managementism).

I’ve started to get a touch of issue off the left hand, but the bruise that has been on there since the accident seems to be going away so perhaps that shall be the last of that considering I don’t have to put everything on it all the time.

So in general, more positive, still pain (but good pain) and considering this mornings fear soaked success I can start looking forward and stop bitching about hitting the deck.

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My phone holding has paid off, kind of. Last photo was this:

Same angle, same concept (elbow and upper arm against my torso) but visible change by about 5° or so.

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So I got my bike back from the shop from the service, they fixed my brake cables and also said that the wheels were quite badly buckled but they sorted it out too and left me with instructions on how to keep an eye on it.

It was good of them to fix it free on the first service, but now I’m really angry about this collision. Break me, whatever, break my bike imma break you.

It’s bad enough I can’t use my bike for the next two or so months and the cost that has put me under to get to and from work but for this dickhead to have broke my wrist, seriously limited my life, damage my bike and make me throw money at First Bus like I have it, nah that isn’t on.

So on Monday I’m calling the police traffic unit to find what the hell they’re playing at and get myself some insurance details cos dude has a bill to pay and it’s growing weekly.

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Doing my exercises, this is as far as I got. Yeah I made a single degree in progress. SUCCESSFUL Y/N?

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So my cast came off yesterday, it was a glorious moment that took mere seconds. When it came off not a whole lot happened, my arm was a lot smaller and the top layer of skin was dead.

I was taken through to see a nurse afterwards who decided it was best I had physiotherapy when I managed to twist a bit a nearly knocked myself out in a haze of pain. But I got some water out of it and another appointment to get it right.

They did warn it was going to hurt and I had to do it to get it right. Horrible horrible system this!

This morning though, when I took a shower my right hand was covered in a « skin paste ». It was vile and hasn’t washed off STILL. Ugh.

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So as I mentioned a few days ago, I have a new addition to my wardrobe. Not exactly my best fashion tip ever, but as the saying goes; Sh! It Happens!

Back to a time long ago, I left work early to go to a doctors appointment for my dodgy knee. Cycling along Gloucester Road only about 15 minutes from home, I was over the obnoxious elevations upwards and coasting on the downhill. Life was fine, face cold and the wind breezing through my helmet.

Until I get midway down, slightly before The Prom, I have a motorcyclist next to me and passing parked cars on my left. Thats when I see my route suddenly close with the front of a car, a car looking me in the eye and pulling out from parked.

That was exactly the moment I figured I was fucked. Pulled the back brakes, but it was pointless as all I can remember is declaring « SHIT! » and biting the road as I went face first in to it. According to witnesses I hit the car and others say I hit the motorbike too. Either way, I hit the road after that.

I remember being on the road listening to the motorcyclist bollocking the car driver for not watching what he was doing, a woman came out and offered to help, I was completely perplexed where I was and I thought I had smashed out my front teeth (I vividly remember the feeling of my front tooth smashing on the tarmac) and the blood on my hands semi-confirmed that. I was helped in to this lady’s van and my vision was all white, I think I may have also been bouncing around in and out of consciousness.

I got a first responder from the Ambulance service who said later on that I was completely white and not all there when he arrived. Disturbingly I remember he also called for an ambulance on a priority one.

I also remember the moment the pain actually hit, must have been a good 10 to 15 minutes afterward but I remember falling to one side screaming in this womans van.

By the time the ambulance showed up, my vision had got much better and some what lucid enough to give my details and a statement to the police. The copper who took my details was properly fit and also took my bike back to the station nearest to mine so I could collect when I was able to.

The rest of all this was terribly boring, but I have to menton that the ambulance technician was also quite fit as well. At this stage I was looking at the silver lining on this epic cloud of shit.

Went to A&E to get diagnosed and checked, got my X-Rays did too. During the X-Ray process they had me move my arm in to seriously painful positions, I did start shouting and swearing when it really hurt, although they were understanding as I’d scream something like « FUCKING SHIT I’M SO SORRY » and « I’M SORRY FOR MY MOTHER-FUCK LANGUAGE ». I also profusely apologised once the pain had stopped and after the last X-Ray and they we’re quite nice chaps.

After that I was dropped in to an A&E cubicle to get the results, the doctor made sure my left hand wasn’t broken (although it’s sore and hard to grip), didn’t have any broken or damaged ribs and also checked the state of my legs and scrapes, etc. He came back after going through that and the X-Rays to advise that my wrist was broken and a bone in my arm was also fractured.

Good thing was I didn’t need surgery and they were going to cast it for the night and make a decision the following day.

I got casted and released and made my way home that evening.

I will write what happened from there another time as it’s pretty difficult to type at the moment, but the main point is other than being bruised, cut and broken I’m alright 🙂

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Long story. Can’t make food, let alone write it! brb

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This is a friends only post for a reason so please don’t go sharing this about. This is because it is of a sensitive nature.

This morning I grabbed a lift in from the train station to work as I always do, this morning happened to be quite cold.

Bundled in to the car as usual and went on our marry way, I look down to check my phone and hear a bit of a « oh shit there is a problem » sound coming off my friend who is driving.

That problem was I’m the shape of a Subaru. Then one wildly deployed airbag. And finished off with an airborne Blackberry.

For a head on collision we did pretty well to walk away without too much wrong with us. I also had my bag on my lap which for once only contained crumpets and flora instead of the usual load I carry. I suspect the bag took the brunt of the airbag as the contents were smashed pretty well so I only have a small burn on my hand.

My friend had a leg injury from the pedals and a decently bad burn from the airbag on her hand.

I don’t remember much of the airbag deployment but I do remember wondering where my phone was and I thought nothing of it when I found it on top of the airbag. And being a bit perplexed why I couldn’t open the door and a man shouting at me not to move.

We had the full works, police and ambulance arrived had a paramedic ram him cold hand up my back asking if I felt pain (I didn’t but I definitely felt his cold as death hand).

As I used to work in insurance I knew what the process was in regards to the kind of injury I would have had, mainly seat belt and possibly whiplash.

I can tell you now a seat belt injury hurts like fuck. I feel like I got hit by something. Oh, er.

Thankfully in the end nobody was seriously injured or worse and the other party weren’t argumentative. Probably because it was due to the road being a complete untreated sheet of ice and not much anybody could have done to stop it.

Now I’m at home looking to remain horizontal for a long long time.

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